Kelly: They had dated for eight years and didn’t even have conversations anymore – they only yelled at each other. And they didn’t even yell like a married couple; they yelled like a divorced couple at Thanksgiving who’s only there together for the kids.
Rob, in Weekly Commentary VI: There are some people in this world who will tell you not to write, edit, direct, act in a movie when you are too drunk to stand up. Those are generally the same people that tell you not to wear a 10-year-old Pink Floyd t-shirt.
Jennette, on recession: A new president cannot wave a magic wand and give us all unicorns to ride to work.
Elise, on getting medieval: Were you going to buy me the suit of armor or should I get it?
Wedding rehearsal at the Indianapolis Zoo’s Botanical Gardens
Jim: I wish I had a fake arm so I could run up, bleeding, pretending like it just tore off. “And THAT’S why you don’t get married in public places.”
Elise: I wish I could take a Wild Thing picture with his mullet.
Kelly: Go ahead.
Elise: HOW?
Kelly: Just say “sweet mullet – can I take a picture?” He knows what it is; he knows he has a mullet.
Jackie: You see a guy in the office that looks like Milton, and he either smells like Zest and pencils…because it’s either/or, you know? Stale food. I hope it’s clean.
Rob, in Weekly Commentary II: …and that’s my impression of Jimmy Fallon taking over for Conan O’Brien on Late Night. Call NBC now, and tell them ‘no’ on Jimmy Fallon. Thank you.
Patrick: Did she just say she’s feeling a lot of negativity from our table?
Melissa: I think she said we’re from Hawaii.
Barney Stinson, on motivational poster: Sometimes when I get sad, I quit being sad and be awesome instead. True story.
Elise, on Fingerhut catalog item: It’s a fleece muumuu with a coyote on the front.
Jim: Those are recession-proof, man - anything with a wolf on it, there will always be a market.
