Shelley: I don’t think I’m controversial enough for Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Janae: It’s really not hard, Shelley. Get a $15 weave, lease a 2003 Escalade and get into a spat with a hypocritical gold digger who bags on your rented McMansion even though hers is in foreclosure because her sugar daddy stopped paying the bill.
Kelly: She tans so much, she’s actually orange. Her black and white senior photos? Orange.
Jackie: I slipped on the floor and rather than pulling a groin, I think I pulled an ovary. Is that even possible?
Dan: This place smells like Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
Elise: I love piecing together previous night’s events by studying the information + time stamps contained in texts, photos and Facebook, then interviewing witnesses as needed. It’s like writing then solving your very own Encyclopedia Blackout Brown case!
