Buying bleach
Cashier: Laundry day, huh?
Channing: No, just really thirsty.
Janae: The word “let’s” is contracted, so reliably it seems like a big affectation to use “let us” as separate words. “Let us talk about sex!” “Let us gobble these sausages!” Are we kings and princes?
David: We should time travel back to medieval days and start dropping “let’s” all over the towns and villages. Then we can sit back and watch the madness we created.
Janae: Fire up the Delorean and come get me.
Elise: When is it acceptable to wear jean shorts?
Mason: When you’re on a rope swing by a secluded lake.
Elise: Wrong. The correct answer is “never.”
Mason: But nylon cuts! You need something thicker on rope swings.
Dan: For six years, this guy runs a magazine that sent him on trips to places like Asia and Vegas. Now he’s writing about sewage in Cleveland.
Hickey: One night I met this insane genius at the bar – think Doc Brown – who has made a fortune in oil or something but was telling me all about these theories he had with numbers and how he was starting to make “the next big movie trilogy.” The first one was called “The Power of 7,” the second “The Power of 3″ and the final one was “The Power of 1.” I can’t remember exactly what they were about, other than terrorists blowing shit up and the world ending. Also, he busted out this huge 80s-style calculator and kept hitting the square root button to prove that every number comes back down to one. Because he was so concerned that someone else might have come up with this idea, he even had it notarized. He was also carrying a personalized letter from the former governor of Louisiana, who is currently in prison. (Imagine, a governor in prison). It even had whatever penitentiary that governor is in as the return address. Oh, and he also wore two watches. One set on Louisiana time, the other set on Baghdad time. Even though he was 61 years old and clearly hadn’t been serving in Baghdad. Also, he gave me his business card and wrote both of his cell phone numbers on the back, so we could hang out and he could show me where to pick up
chicks in town. Still have not made that call.
